Was That a Scream?
by Darlene Foster
Susan snuggled into her sleeping bag. Jack rolled over and put his arm around her. “This isn’t so bad, is it?”
“I guess not. I’d rather be in a five-star hotel, though.”
“Thanks for being a good sport and coming along on this camping trip. Have a good sleep.” Jack was soon snoring.
Exhausted by the long hike through the mountains that day, Susan drifted off. Suddenly, she sat up. “What was that? Was that a scream?”
“It was probably just a screech owl. Go back to sleep, leave it alone,” Jack mumbled and returned to his snoring.
The next morning, Susan woke up early, and although she didn’t want to, she made her way to the public outdoor toilet. Twigs breaking, scurrying, squeaks and rattles, every noise in the forest made her jump. She was happy to return to the campsite where Jack perked coffee and scrambled eggs.
“Mmm, smells good. I was hungrier than I thought.”
“Being out in the fresh air will do that to you.” He kissed her cheek as he handed her a plate of steaming eggs and a piece of toast.
“Are you sure there aren’t any bears out here? I mean, they do live in the Rocky Mountains.”
“No bears have been sighted around here for some time now. Besides, they keep to themselves and don’t bother folks unless provoked. Now eat up, I’ve got an amazing site to show you today.”
They packed up and started their hike. Soon, they arrived at a sign indicating that their destination, Chatterbox Falls, was ten kilometres north. Under the sign was another one, warning of grizzly bears and what to do if they should encounter one.
A chill ran through Susan. “I thought you said there weren’t any bears.”
Jack shrugged. “They have to warn people, just in case. Many city people come out here and have no idea what they might run into and what to do if they did.”
The coffee was working its way through. Susan needed a biological break.
“Just go over in the bushes. There’s no one around. I’ll keep watch.” Jack winked.
Susan quickly did what she needed to do. As she zipped up her jeans, she noticed a bit of material on a branch. Looking closer, it looked like a piece of sleeping bag.
She called for Jack. “Look! Someone must have snagged their bag while coming through here.”
He frowned and spread the branches apart. A lone tent stood in a small open area. As they got closer to investigate, they saw that the tent was open and in disarray.
“Hello! Hello! Is anyone here?” They both shouted.
A camp stove lay on its side. A ripped-open backpack with the contents scattered about looked ominous. Susan felt sick. “W-what do you think happened?”
Then she saw spots of blood on the ground leading into the bushes.
She grabbed Jack’s arm. “We need to leave.”
“Someone might be hurt. We have to check.” Jack held her hand as they gingerly followed the trail of blood.
Jack stopped short and shouted, “Don’t look!”
It was too late.
In front of her, a sleeping bag ripped to pieces held a severely mauled and bloodied body of a woman hanging partly out of it. A piece of her shoulder – missing.
Susan started to scream and couldn’t stop.
Biography
Darlene Foster grew up on a ranch in Canada, where her love of reading inspired her to see the world and write stories. When not travelling, meeting interesting people, and collecting ideas for her Amanda Travels series, Darlene enjoys spending time with her family in Canada and with her husband and dogs in Spain.
She has written a series of Amanda books: Amanda in Arabic, Amanda in Spain, Amanda in England, Amanda in Alberta, Amanda in Danube, Amanda in New Mexico, Amanda in Holland, Amanda in Malta, Amanda in France, and Amanda in Scotland. She also wrote: You Can Take the Girl from the Prairie.
www.darlenefoster.ca Darlene Foster’s Blog
Something to Think About
Of course, you don’t have to answer all or any of these questions in your comment, but they add depth to our discussions, if you choose to use them.
- How do the characters’ traits and actions reveal the author’s message?
- What theme or themes did “Was That a Scream” have? A list of 25 themes.
- How does the setting influence the characters and the plot?
- What literary devices (e.g., symbolism, imagery, metaphor) does the author use?
Attendance with Links
Thank you to everyone who attended this Story Chat Digest session. Without your input, Story Chat is an average writing challenge. Your helpful, honest comments make this like a book club. If you get a chance, check out our attendees’ blogs. It’s well worth your time.
- A Teacher’s Reflections Here’s another interesting post by Jennie.
- Darlene Foster’s Blog (Author)
- D.G. Kaye, Writer
- D. L. Finn, Author – email reader
- Editor (now a private site – request access)
- Ephemeral Encounters
- Esther Chilton
- Hugh’s Views and News
- Jacqui Murray’s Word Dreams
- Keep It Alive
- Myths of the Mirror
- No Facilities
- Priorhouse Blog
- Raj – email reader
- Retirement Reflections
- Steve Tanham – email reader
- Times and Tides of a Beachwriter
- Unique Times with Cindy
- Wandering Canadians
- Writer Ravenclaw
- Writing Wrinkles
Story Chat Instagram Ad
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Exciting Story Chat Volume II Video
I hope you enjoy the video.
Story Chat Volume II Book Blog Tour Schedule
- Colleen Chesebro – November 24, 2024 (US) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Gloria – November 29 (UK)
- Robbie & Michael – November 30 (SA)
- Diana – December 1 (US)
- Doug – December 2 (AU) December 1 (US, UK, SA) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Cathy – December 4 (UK) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Amanda – December 9 (AU) December 8 (US, UK, SA)
- Dan– December 11 (US)
- Philip – December 14 (UK)
- Cindy Georgekas – December 16 (US)
- Esther Chilton – January 30 (UK ) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- D. L. Finn – February 4 (US) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Yvette – February 5 (US) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Hugh – January 27 (UK)
Story Chat: Online Literary Conversations
Our video from Volume I is still up and getting views. My goal was 100 views, and we’re over that now! Yay!
Thanks again for being a great part of Always Write’s Story Chat Digest. Until next time, keep reading, writing and chatting.
Marsha Ingrao Always Write 
137 responses to “Story Chat Digest: “Was That a Scream?” by Darlene Foster”
Loved the scary ending Darlene. I think I’d definitely be scared once I saw a sign warning of bears, no matter what anyone said. 😍
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Thanks so much, Debby. Bears attacking humans are very rare but they do happen occasionally. This is based loosely on a newspaper article from about 40 years ago.
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Great story! 🙂
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I agree, Deb. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂 xxxx
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Hugs xxx I’ll be reading your book soon Marsha. 🙂
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Awesome! I think you’ll identify with some of it. 🙂 I finally have something for you to read! I binge read yours when we first met.
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You are too kind my friend. Thank you. I look forward to xx
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xxxx
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Be afraid, Debbie. Our lives of far enough removed from bears, that we don’t take it seriously when we camp. A guy camping in Prescott National Forest was eaten by a bear just minutes out of the city limits. It was a grisly mess!
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Holy moly Marsha! x
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🙂 I know!
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An intense read, given that Darlene told us Susan and Jack may have been in ‘Bear Country’, which helped give the story an edge as I read through it. I kept asking myself, ‘What are they going to find? Was the mention of bears a red herring?’
That led me to think, was it a bear that had caused the final scene? I liked that because it gave the story an open ending, allowing the reader to provide their own answer. After all, it could have been that a human or humans had caused the final scene.
Darelne, you got a lot into this story in so few words. Well done for that, but I couldn’t help but think that the ending came too soon. Maybe because I wanted more? In any case, it was a very good read and well-written in a way that didn’t require me to stop and retrace what I had already read. It’s the kind of story that anyone can read without causing any problems. Having just the two characters was excellent in this piece of flash fiction. Too many, and it would have overwhelmed my reading experience.
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Thanks so much, Hugh for the feedback. Flash fiction can be difficult for a novel writer as we are used to having more time and words to tell a story. I find it good exercise to make every word count. You are excellent at writing short stories so the fact that you felt it worked, means a lot to me.
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I could tell that writing flash fiction could be difficult for you from the way the story ended, Darlene. Although I liked the ending, it felt somewhat abrupt. However, as I mentioned earlier, it was a very good read that kept me hooked.
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Flash fiction is a separate skill set. I can do the really short ones, like Esther has, but the length of Story Chat is not my comfort zone.
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I hear that, Darlene. Being sparce with words is so hard to learn.
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I agree, Hugh. I tend to litter stories with too many characters. So hard to narrow it down to two! Why is that?
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If a character isn’t adding to the story, get rid of him/her, Marsha. Too many characters can confuse readers, especially when many of them have names all starting with the same letter.
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I agree. It is hard to keep people straight even in a long novel when you have room to develop characters.
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Eeek. That was a scary story. Fortunately this is a rare event. The woman likely made a mistake that invited the bear, like keeping her backpack (food) in her tent(?). Even toothpaste smells yummy to a bear.
I enjoyed the underlying tension in the story right from the start. Susan’s discomfort in contrast to Jack’s nonchalance. The milder moments, like eating breakfast, create a juxtaposition with the scream, and left me wondering – was it in fun? Was it innocuous? What was it? Then we get the full picture and Susan’s fears are justified. I suspect she’ll be enjoying hotels in the future.
Great story, Darlene.
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Thanks so much for your valuable feedback, Diana. I’m glad the story worked the way I intended. Yes, this is a very rare occurrence. The story is roughly based on something that happened many years ago in Waterton National Park in Canada. I always thought about how horrible it would have been to come across the body. I also once met a man who had been mauled by a grizzly bear, but lived to tell about it. Yikes!
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I used to hike for months at a time in the Rockies and other parts of the Canadian and American west and never once even spotted a bear. But we were a noisy bunch and knew the precautions. You’re right that it does happen, and what a scary thought.
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You are a brave woman. I saw a video yesterday of a woman who had bears visit her regularly in her home! They knew to close the door behind them even. It was an amazing video. I will share it in one of my newsletters. 🙂 xxx
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Bears are attracted to “food.” When I was in New Brunswick, Canada, the locals said that if we wanted to see bears, to go to the landfill. 🙂
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hahaha Sounds like a fun place to hang out!
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Those stories are life-changing and unforgettable. Isn’t it great to have a story work the way you intended?
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Great comment, Diana. I think she might even think somewhat about hers and Jack’s relationship because he was so nonchalant. It might be something she can brush off, but depending on his reaction to the events would tell a lot about him. I’d love to hear him say, “I should have listened to you and taken you more seriously.” They might have saved that woman’s life with a little pepper spray and some quick first aid. Another warning – don’t camp alone unless you are prepared to meet a wild animal.
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Yeah. I agree. It may have changed their relationship a bit. Jack did suggest they get out of there – a good idea.
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Eventually! I think there is a fine line between doing something with someone, sticking it out, and listening to your gut. We took my MIL camping when she was 72. Big disaster. By the third night, she paid for hotels for the rest of the trip. We all did better inside.
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This is my worst nightmare while camping. Well, that or being the person mauled by the bear!
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Even though there were no bears on the prairies where I grew up, I was always afraid of encountering one. I thought The Three Bears was a horror story!
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hahaha I love it.
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hahaha, Yes being the mauled would be worse! I had a friend who actually fought a grisly bear, maybe brown bear. The key, he said, is making yourself appear as big as possible. My key is to avoid confrontation, by avoiding the situation in the first place.
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That was a great story, Darlene. I was biting my nails!
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I hoped you stopped at some point! LOL!
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🙂
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I guess that was what I was attempting to do, to keep the reader on tenterhooks. Glad it worked.
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It did! 😀
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And now I understand the meaning of tender hooks – fingernails that are bitten to the quick. 🙂 xxx
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What a riveting story by Darlene! This tale reminds me of our backpacking and camping trips. But grizzlies didn’t live where we pitched our tent. Only black bears that are herbivores, and more afraid of humans. We never saw one, though I wouldn’t have minded ‘from a distance.’ Great story, and thanks for hosting, Marsha!
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Thanks, Lauren. Sorry to respond so late. Your post ended up in my spam folder. Yikes! Or maybe it was hiding from the bear!
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No worries, Marsha. It happens, and I think the latter is the culprit. 🙂
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hahaha! Grrrrrr
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This is a great story, Darlene. I love the way you managed my emotional involvement. You made me nervous at first, but then calmed me down, then progressively more worried. That hotel is sounding better and better.
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Thanks, Dan. I’m glad it worked! Great feedback.
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I like the way your emotions bounced around.
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Scary!!!
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Thanks, Steve. And that’s why I don’t camp in bear country.
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Steve, I agree. Seeing mutilated bodies and hearing screams is a scary scenario.
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[…] Story Chat Digest: “Was That a Scream?” by Darlene Foster […]
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Darlene looks so sweet and then to come up with that ending! Though, as others have said, at least it wasn’t too grisly. It also worked very well as a conclusion. Darlene created a strong sense of trepidation where we were waiting to find out if there really were bears. I’ve never liked the idea of camping and I definitely don’t after reading this! Very well-contructed and entertaining.
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Thanks, Esther. I’m pleased you liked my short story. You can’t let looks fool you!!
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hahaha
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🥰
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I don’t think you have any bears in England. So you can camp at least without that worry. Don’t come to our neck of the woods to go camping, though! 🙂 xxx
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Bears are fortunately not something we had to take into consideration in my camping days. Nothing worse than the occasional fox’s screech or cat-fight disturbs my sleep.
But I wonder… did she have a companion?
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There are many places to camp without the fear of bears, especially grizzly bears.
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There must be. Prescott, AZ is not like that.
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Haha, no sign of one! Hmm Great question. Either the bear was full, the bear had another companion, or the companion was smart and quick enough to get away!
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[…] July 1 Darlene Foster “Was That a Scream?” A short thriller! […]
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Darlene’s stories never disappoint. Oh my! And Marsha–thank you for the lovely review on Amazon. I try not to obsess over my books over there so I just saw it. Remember me for your next book launch. I’d be thrilled to take part.
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Thank you so much. Yes, I loved the two books I read, I can’t wait to read more! I’m a fan! 🙂 xxxx
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Thank you so much, Jacqui, for your kind words.
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Oh my, this is a scary scenario and all too possible on a camping trip in the wilderness. Very nicely written. I loved that the writer didn’t go too much into gory details and left it to our imagination. Well done. 👍🏼
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Grisly details would have ruined it for me! 🙂 xxx
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Yeah, that is true for me.
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I don’t write gory details as I don’t like reading them. Thanks for commenting. I’m pleased you enjoyed my story.
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You’re most welcome. I enjoyed the story very much, and there’s a lesson behind it too- not to be too complacent in the wilds.
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Great lesson! I’m ready now to not be complacent, and stay in my car.
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Yes indeed.
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Very interesting story telling you. . I agree, food always tastes better when eaten outdoors.
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Especially if you are a bear. In Phoenix, a bear was caught on video raiding a homeowner’s refrigerator.
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Why ? Storage in refrigerator?
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Food in there. I guess bears are pretty smart!
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Thanks, that’s good bears are pretty & smart 🤓.
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Yes they are.
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Thank you so much. Pleased you like the story.
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Most welcome !
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Sorry, I can’t resist. That was some grisly bear. 😉
Mind you, I have little time for people who demand protection from sharks when they have invaded the shark’s environment and the same applies to bears.
PS – You North Americans and your euphemisms – biological break? Perhaps the victim’s wound should be styled as involuntary shoulder surgery? 🙂
Good quick read. Well done.
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Was there anything else left of her? Hmmm She could have donated her shoulder to science.
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Glad you enjoyed the read. Yes we do have fun ways of saying things. Biological break was the term we used at the office.
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That’s a pretty benign way to say it!
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Oh no, now that was scary. No wonder my camping days are over.. lol But I’m sure I’ll be on the ground again with the grands and the campfires etc! 💗
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Be careful! Take some pepper spray. I guess that would deter a bear. I don’t really know. 🙂
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I have never been a camper, (although living on a farm in the 50s and 60s was like camping!) After hearing a couple of stories similar to this, I was totally put off.
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I bet it was!!! I like that cozy bed any day 😂
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Fun story, Darlene. Richard and I are camping next week.
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Thanks, Donna. I’m sure you will take all the correct precautions. xo
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Yikes! This would make me think twice. Hope there are no bears in your backyard, Donna. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂 xxx
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Lots of bears in our backyard, and where we are camping. But, we’re used to it! 😀
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We do have bears. I was just telling Yvette that I met a mama black bear and her cub in the Sequoia National Park. I was walking, and she was too. We were on opposite sides of the two lane road through the park. 🙂
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I enjoyed Darlene’s story because parts of it were similar to some past kikes/camping trips I have done with my husband – and walking back to the steaming eggs made me smile with her because food does often taste better while camping. mmmm
Also, I like how she built up the tension about hiking where there could be bears – from the sound in the night (and how some folks minimize those night-time screeches – while others do not) – and then the surprise of what they discovered.
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I’m so pleased you enjoyed the story. I agree, food always tastes better when eaten outdoors.
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and after the hike – work up that hunger….
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I think she should have lost her appetite and just wanted to leave.
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yes – we have left hikes before – and we have also stayed and endured rain and noises – but thankfully never had an ending like this (but my son2 did have a bear steal his backpack from the tree! it was ripped down and son lost the pack and a camera – )
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I was walking in Sequoia National Park on the highway. I’d gotten queasy in the back seat, so I got out and hiked to the next turnout where my husband would pick me up. On the way I met a mama black bear and her cub going the other direction on the highway – across the road from me. I treated it like a dog encounter. I kept my eyes averted and kept walking. So did she!
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That was a very smart way to respond.
And it reminded me of when I was getting some gas right of of Interstate 10 in the panhandle.
I saw a guy get out of white car and exchange something with a guy standing there.
Looked like a little drug deal – and it all happens so fast and the guy going back to his white car stared right at me – a piercing stare – I just felt led to act like I did not see anything and so I played it nonchalant – gave a neutral kind of hello half smile and then pumped the gas – minding my own business.
I know it can help if we “see something, say something” but I think I did what was needed in the situation – (although in hindsight, I should have maybe grabbed a photo of his license plate and sent it in – because while it might not have been drugs – it could have been – and sometimes getting caught is what helps a person make needed changes – but I digress).
anyhow, have you heard of digestive bitters?
They can really help with feeling nauseous and feeling queasy. We travel with a small bottle (lasts forever) and it helps so much! The current one I have is from Nature’s Answer and it is “Bitters & Ginger” and is a wonderful product to have.
*** and might even help if someone feels that fight or flight like Darlene wrote about
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Wow! Your experience sounds scarier than mine even. Thanks for your queasy remedies. Fortunately, that’s never happened to me fpr a long time. The last time was right about the time I was diagnosed with cancer the first time, and Cindy and I took a bus ride up to Sequoia National Park. We sat in the back of the bus – not a good idea, but I think those were the only seats left. 🙂 xxxxx
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hugs
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also, your short story (nice job getting it done with approx 550 words) – it did remind me of John Steinbeck’s scene called “breakfast” in Grapes of Wrath – ((maybe it was also fresh in my mind because I recently read it as blogger Donna said Grapes of Wrath was her favorite book.))
Anyhow, your camping breakfast reminded me of this scene:
“We filled our plates, poured bacon gravy over our biscuits and sugared our coffee.
The older man filled his mouth full and he chewed and chewed and swallowed.
The he said, “God Almighty, it’s good;” and he filled his mouth again.
The young man said, “We been eating good for twelve days.”
We all ate quickly, frantically, and refilled our plated and are quickly again until
we were full and warm. The hot bitter coffee scalded our throats. We threw the
last little bit with the grounds in it on the earth and refilled our cups.”
Click to access breakfast-by-john-steinbeck1_copy_2_1__copy.pdf
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Thanks for sharing, Yvette!
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I have yet to read The Grapes of Wrath. I must remedy that. A great excerpt. Thanks.
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Yes, it’s a great story. Sadly, part of the setting was Visalia, CA not far from where I live now. This part of the country has always had a huge migrant population, whether from the Dust Bowl era or currently.
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Darlene, the first time I was exposed to Grapes of Wrath it was with a High School history class and the teacher did “read-alouds” in class and he was not the most engaging teacher (not like our literature instructors) and then I was SO bored trying to finish Travels with Charley I did not get back to Grapes of Wrath until I saw the movie and wanted to compare the book and movie – and I ended up not really comparing them too much because the story stuck in my heart and I found that the movie scenes were simply with me when I read the book (and then skimmed it many times later).
The book is so powerful that my inner critic turned off and I just enjoyed both (if that makes sense).
and on a side note connecting this back to your camping story here, I found that the Grapes of Wrath book can be good for an attitude adjustment, just like a night camping can shift the mindset.
Because as your character prefers the 5-star hotel (while I always like four star ones because they usually have many upgrades with the free breakfast whereas 5-star have the sit down table service that is extra – lol)
but so many folks need a night camping – to feel the earth, to immerse in nature, and to maybe just get out of the comforts of home (even tho we use nice blow up mats and they are quite comfy).
My point is that if I would have read your story 20 years ago, I would not have related as much. However, because I have taken numerous small trips with a husband who loves the trails, I could relate to so much – like tasting those steaming eggs in the morn.
Anyhow, Dr Zach Bush said that he when he needs an attitude adjustment, and he did during the pandemic when things felt to gloomy – he said he watches or read WWII books and movies. It reminds him that things can so much worse.
And when I read or skim parts of the Grapes of Wrath, I feel grateful and humbled.
I can now see the dilapidated truck the Joads modified for their forced migration from Oklahoma to California during the Great Depression.
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When I started as the History Consultant for Tulare County, one of my first events was a Grapes of Wrath study put on by the library who had asked me to get involved. It was such a big deal here that in Kern County (Bakersfield) they banned the book for a year and a half from 1939-1941. When the Board of Supervisors changed, they lifted the ban.
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wow! there is so much history with this book.
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It’s a wonderful book on so many levels. Dickensesque.
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I agree. I reread Anne Frank’s Diary during the pandemic for that same reason. It could have been so much worse.
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I need to reread her diary – it has been so long – and thanks again for a great story
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I haven’t read the first comment, but her story is about as worst as it gets. I had a friend who was taken into the camps at age 4. Her mother had been shot before they were taken, and her aunt took care of her in the camps – sort of! Most toddlers were killed immediately, but for some reason she wasn’t. She was in camps until she was 9. Then they came to the US. Her story was so powerful. I took her to all the high schools in our county.
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I agree – especially marshmallows.
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Night time screeches can be pretty serious. I’m sure you’ve heard my raccoon story. Terri Webster Brandt thought she heard a coyote. It was me. 🙂 xxx
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hahahah – that is so funny – 🙂
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Was that a scream, I am not sure I would trust her friend. Brilliant story.
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Thanks for your comment. Pleased you enjoyed the story.
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🙂
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I would never go camping again, for sure. I am sure she was kicking herself for trusting him in the first place. He was probably kicking himself! Thanks for dropping by! 🙂 xxx
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Me too, I much prefer a proper bed, and a proper bath or shower.
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Me too, Diana!
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🥰
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Oh my goodness 🙄
No camping for me.
What a discovery to make😪 so much for no bears.
So well written Darlene!
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I’m not much of a camper myself. I’m pleased you liked the story.
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I did very much Darlene.🤗
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Now that is interesting. How did you come up with the idea?
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Like many ideas, a newspaper article many years ago inspired this story. As well as my aversion to camping.
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Whew! I wrote a book (not published) from an article in the newspaper about a woman getting her head caught in a tree. I think she got out.
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I agree, Maggie. Great fodder for a poem, too!
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💯 Marsha 🙄
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Oh for Yogi Bear who only ate picnic baskets. Maybe it was Sasquatch? Well done Darlene, I thought we were going to get scared and then it would be okay, but it wasn’t!
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It’s good to throw in a surprise ending from time to time!
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That was definitely a surprise I wouldn’t have thought about. 🙂 xxx
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haha Darlene didn’t pull any punches. Right to the heart of the matter – Don’t mess with bears!
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Chilling story, Darlene:) You make a good argument for staying at that five star hotel!
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I’m not one for camping, I’m afraid. Even when we went on motorcycle trips, we stayed in hotels. (not necessarily 5 star!)
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Not staying in a quality hotel can foster some pretty grisly stories as well. 🙂 xxx
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I agree, 100%! What a surprise ending – and not the kind you want to wake up to!
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