Going Home
by Esther Chilton
It’s happening again. I can’t bear it. I can’t take anymore.
I lie here in the corner of my darkened room. I push my small body to the wall, wanting to become invisible, to become a part of the wall. I rock back and forth, my head pushed down into my chest. I can’t cry anymore. The tears won’t come. I’ve cried too many.
I hear footsteps trudging up the stairs. They’re coming closer. They pause outside my door. They’ve gone. I’m safe – for the moment.
I wonder what they’ll be like this time. I always hope they’ll be nice. They never are. I try to be nice to them, to do as they say, but it doesn’t help. They never keep me. They never love me. I must be a horrid boy.
They all seem nice when they first see me. Once they’ve taken me home, they change and become nasty.
One lady was nice, though. She gave me sweets and she let me put car posters on my bedroom wall. Her husband was okay. But I didn’t see him much. And then, he wasn’t there at all. Something about him and a fair, she said.
That was when she changed. She was always drinking. Her breath smelled horrible. She forgot about me. She didn’t love me anymore.
Pat and Bob were okay too, at first. It was their son, Jon who was the problem. He’d be so nice when they were around, but when we were on our own, he was mean and spiteful. He was much bigger than me and if I didn’t do as he said, he smashed my toys. I didn’t have many anyway. He told tales on me too. I got the blame for anything naughty he did. Pat and Bob soon sent me back to the children’s home. They said they couldn’t cope with such a wayward boy.
‘He’s a disgrace. I’ve never seen such a disgusting little boy in all my life!’ Pat said.
I’m not really. I try to be nice.
I remember when ‘Aunt’ Jane and ‘Uncle’ Sam came to see me. They bought me sweets and a toy car. I was so excited to be going home with them. Mandy at the home said they’d been checked out. She said they had a huge garden. Mandy said they had bought me a slide and swing already. I couldn’t wait. I was so sure they wanted me. I knew they would love me.
The first few days were great. I had a gigantic room with a double bed all to myself, my own desk with massive drawers to put all my stuff in and shelves full of books. I had my own TV too.
But they spoiled it. They started being funny. I heard them shouting at each other as I tried to get to sleep. I’d hear the sound of breaking glass and sometimes screams. I put my hands over my ears, but I could still hear them.
One day, they started shouting at me. I didn’t like it. The slaps were worse though. They stung and left red marks. I’d been a good boy. I was sure I had. I tried to stay out of their way, but they’d hunt me down and then I was in big trouble. If I cried, it made them worse. So I learned not to cry. Someone saw my bruises. Someone cared about me. I was taken back to the home.
I thought things would get better. I thought they would make sure the next people were good people, kind people.
When the Blacks first visited the home, I remember looking into their eyes as they smiled at me. They tried to make me like them. They didn’t know what I’d seen.
I could see the nastiness behind their beady eyes.
I was right. They made me do stuff – cleaning the toilet and scrubbing the pans. If I didn’t do it right, I wasn’t allowed to eat that day. They said I had to earn my keep as I cost so much.
I wanted to tell Mandy at the home, but I was too frightened to tell anyone. I knew what happened when little boys were naughty. ‘Uncle’ Sam and ‘Aunt’ Jane had shown me that.
So I grabbed some food from the cupboard and ran away. I spent the first night under a bridge near the river. It was cold and wet. I wished I had brought a blanket. But I was free. There were no beastly adults. I hate adults. Except Mandy. She was nice.
I didn’t like the second night. It rained and I was stuck in a field with a lot of cows. I managed to find a barn to sleep in, but it really stank. I’d eaten all my food and I didn’t know where I was going. I wanted to go to London. Everyone went there. Everyone said it was great, but I didn’t know where it was.
I wasn’t very good at running away. The police found me the next day. They wanted to know why I’d run away. I told them. I had to. They were much bigger than me.
Back at the home, Mandy gave me a big hug and said no one would ever hurt me again. I wish I could go home with Mandy. She said I can’t. I don’t know why. Maybe she doesn’t really like me. I’m sure she does though.
Mandy lied. They’re sending me to someone else. Mandy says they’re nice. She knows them very well. I don’t believe her. I won’t go. I won’t.
My body stiffens as the door swings open. Rays of light stream into the room. They’re calling me, whispering kind things.
I slowly turn and stare at the two people kneeling beside me. I look into their eyes. I wait to see their nastiness staring back at me. I gasp as I see tears flowing down the woman’s cheeks.
‘Oh, Alan,’ she cries. ‘I think we’ve found him, the boy for us. It’s all right, sweetheart, we’ll take care of you.’
I look at her face. She is very pretty. She seems nice too. I turn away. I mustn’t like her. I mustn’t. I look back at her eyes again. All I can see is kindness. She reaches out and touches my shoulder. She hugs me. I let her. It is nice to be hugged.
I look at the man. He has tears in his eyes and he can’t stop smiling. I sniff, surprised to find that I am crying too. At last the tears have come. At last I’ve found someone who will love me. I’m finally going home – for good.
Biography
Esther has been a freelance writer for over twenty years, regularly writing articles and short stories for magazines and newspapers such as Writers’ Forum, Writing Magazine, The Guardian, Best of British, The Cat, This England, Yours and The People’s Friend. Winner of several competitions, including those run by Writing Magazine and The Global Short Story Contest, she has also had the privilege of judging writing competitions and relished being given the role of head judge of the Writers’ Forum monthly short story competition.
Esther loves writing but equally enjoys helping others, which she achieves in her role as a tutor for The Writers Bureau. She also runs their monthly writing club, Let’s Write. Ten years ago, Esther set up her own copyediting business and loves helping others to achieve their writing dreams. She has had two how-to books on writing published as well as two collections of short stories. Her first children’s book is coming out in July.
Blog: https://estherchilton.co.uk
Something to Think About
Of course, you don’t have to answer all or any of these questions in your comment, but they add depth to our discussions, if you choose to use them.
- What emotions do you think the author wanted you to feel?
- What theme or themes did “Going Home” have? A list of 25 themes.
- What should Mandy say or do to the boy’s foster parents after he was removed?
- What are the laws concerning foster parents in your country or state- that you know of?
- How did the story impact you? How long do you think you will you remember it? Some of these stories have stuck with me for years!
Attendance
Thank you to everyone who attended this Story Chat Digest session. Without your input, Story Chat is an average writing challenge. Your helpful, honest comments make this like a book club. If you get a chance, check out our attendees’ blogs. It’s well worth your time.
- Keep It Alive This moral dilemma is a hard one for me. Do you speak up if you see a wrong being done?
- Myths of the Mirror Diana does authors a great service with her marvelous reviews. This is her motto, “I read for fun. I read to give back to the wonderful indie community that has supported my own adventure in writing.”
- Roberta Writes Two wonderful poems accompanied by pictures. Several photos of doors in Amsterdam. Gorgeous!
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YouTube Trailers for Volumes I and II
Story Chat Volume II Book Blog Tour Schedule
- Colleen Chesebro – November 24, 2024 (US) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Gloria – November 29 (UK)
- Robbie & Michael – November 30 (SA)
- Diana – December 1 (US)
- Doug – December 2 (AU) December 1 (US, UK, SA) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Cathy – December 4 (UK) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Amanda – December 9 (AU) December 8 (US, UK, SA)
- Dan– December 11 (US)
- Philip – December 14 (UK)
- Cindy Georgekas – December 16 (US)
- Esther Chilton – January 30 (UK ) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- D. L. Finn – February 4 (US) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Yvette – February 5 (US) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Hugh – January 27 (UK)
Upcoming and Ongoing on Always Write
- Robbie’s Step by Step Process in Creating the Lion Amid Flowers Painting
- Story Chat Digest April Poetry Day
- Celebrating the Start of a New Day Over a Cuppa
- Celebrating Moving Day and Hackers on the Loose Over a Cuppa
- Sadje Honored Me with a Pre-Launch Blog Post
Thanks again for being a great part of Always Write’s Story Chat Digest. Until next time, keep reading, writing and chatting.
Marsha Ingrao Always Write 
81 responses to “Story Chat Digest: “Going Home” by Esther Chilton”
[…] Story Chat Digest: “Coming Home” by Esther Chilton […]
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[…] Story Chat Digest: “Coming Home” by Esther Chilton […]
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[…] Story Chat Digest: “Coming Home” by Esther Chilton […]
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I’m sorry I’m late replying – I’ve only just seen your comment. Thank you so much for reading the story and for your kind words.
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[…] Story Chat Digest: “Coming Home” by Esther Chilton […]
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[…] Story Chat Digest: “Coming Home” by Esther Chilton […]
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This story tugged at my heart. Esther brought me to the brink, and each time, I felt a little worse for the boy. By the end of the story, I wanted to hug him and bring him home. This caused me to think about kids seemingly locked in foster care, and how it must eventually shape their opinion of themselves. That’s sad to think about. I’m glad the story had a happy ending. At least I’m going to assume it did.
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For the time being. He has a respite for a time, then eventually adult life sets in.
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Well, I’m so glad this story had a happy ending given the subject of it. What a harrowing read that Esther captured so well with all the emotions that come with being fostered.
I did think about which era the story was set in. Given all the problems with finding a home, I did think the checks those first families had may not have been as thorough as they should. But even in today’s world, things can go so badly wrong. This made me think the story was set in the more distant past rather than recently.
It was a rollercoaster of a ride reading the story, although I felt most of the story had us going down rather than climbing. Esther certainly got inside the character’s head with the way she wrote the story. That’s a skill many authors do not have.
Family drama comes to mind when thinking of a genre for the story. It’s certainly a story that will impact many of those who read it because of the subject. Nobody wants children or animals to be harmed in anyway by the human race.
A fantastic addition to the Story Chat world, Marsha and Esther.
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Hugh, your comments are always so thorough and thoughtful. I love that about you and about Story Chat in general. This story goes deeper than just finding the right family for this boy. I think most readers immediately transported themselves to a situation in their lives in which they knew someone, or even were that someone who had to go through the system. As a teacher, I was exposed to many students who went through the system – some with families, some with placed foster care.
When I was in my late 20s and we couldn’t have children, one of our neighbors and good friends’great-grand children needed to go into an adoption situation. The mother’s boyfriend killed the father. We said we would take the girls, aged about 5 and 2 at the time. Instead the grandmother took them and then passed them around to other relatives, who abused the girls sexually and probably in other ways as well. About five years later, he asked us again if we would take them. At that point, my husband was very ill, and I also worried that he might be accused of sexual misconduct – because I knew a friend who claimed that her husband had been falsely accused. I didn’t want to take any risks at that point in our lives. Plus, I knew I would have to raise them by myself, and I was still going through school to get my teaching degree. I felt so sad about them. But I was also sort of irritated because I knew they wouldn’t have been molested had they moved in with us in the first place. I have no idea what happened to them.
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That was one of the reasons why I mentioned the era of the story, Marsha. I can remember many horrible stories of fostering back in the 70s, 80s and 90s, many of which only surfaced over recent years. I still hear a few happening in the present, but nowhere near as many as I used to from past eras, probably because the checks fostering agencies now do are much more thorough.
I think we can all look back in our lives and wonder ‘What if?’ Protecting our loved ones is one of the most important jobs we all have. They should always come first over everyone else.
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Your last two statements are definitely “IF ONLY children could all be protected by loving parents and family.”
Sadly, there is no way to legally insure that happens. Even in relatively stable homes.
Raising children is a momentous task, which I never did, and I am in awe of the people who managed to do a good job. Not everyone deserve the privilege to be parents. But who determines that?
If legislation of such matters were possible, mandatory birth control given starting in junior high school. When a couple decides to join together permanently, they go through an interview and psychological and drug testing process to determine if they would be good parents. What do you think?
Back in the early 1900s the state of Indiana the state thought they could reduce criminals by sterilizing all the men in prison. That way bad people couldn’t have children. They thought badness was hereditary. It didn’t work, obviously. What a topic Esther has opened!
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My niece and her now-husband had to take a course to get married in the church where they wanted to get married. It cost over £100. It was the church looking at ways to make extra money. I realise that some couples split up in marriage (my parents got divorced), but being told to go on a course to see if you really wanted to get married was, in my eyes, a lot of nonsense. However, fostering is very different, and I think anybody wanting to foster a child should go through rigorous checks first.
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I think both are a good idea – not the charge for marriage counseling, of course, but asking couples questions before they get married is a helpful way to get them chatting about important issues before they get emotionally charged. If they do get emotionally charged at that point, it could be helpful for both couples to see that, whether or not they decide to get married. The other thing I’ve seen over my long life is that people change so much over the course of years. They need to learn how to be flexible to allow that. Of course, fostering children with no preparation or rigorous checks first doesn’t make a bit of sense. It could be that the social worker is so desperate they just want to get rid of the child and get them into some home no matter what it looks like. In Esther’s story, it didn’t seem like she had that kind of social worker, but with packed case loads or people who really didn’t want to be social workers, things could get dicey.
The other thing I’ve leaned over my long life, Hugh, is that I don’t have all the answers. 🙂 xxxxx
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Thank you for your comments on my story, Hugh. I’ve only just seen them. It means a lot that you’ve taken the time to read and comment.
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I spoke too soon!
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Hi Marsha, Esther writes such powerful and compelling stories. I am glad and relieved this poor child got a home at last. It is nice to be left with a belief that there are good people out there.
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I think there are good people – even some of the bad people are probably good people. But these are hard situations. The foster parents don’t always have eyes everywhere. I think about the taunting boy. Probably his parents are either not aware, don’t believe it’s true, or worst, don’t care. Bringing other children in the family creates a different dynamic for everyone in the family. Some kids take to it and become part of the solution. Others, like the one in the story, don’t do well with sharing their parents’ attention with an outsider. So they act out. Sadly, the outsider probably has no one on his side to help him or her through the issues they face. Or at least no once close and immediate enough to help right then.
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I think that a child that behaves like the mean boy in this story, doesn’t have the type of caring parents who should foster a child. I know my sons would support someone like the main character. They know love is big and encompassing.
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I know your sons would, too. I was thinking of several pastors that I have known over the years, and even my mom’s cousin, who adopted two children. One of the foster boys, who had been very adoring of the pastor before he was fostered, ran away afterwards because he was used to being on his own, and didn’t like rules. That may have been the case in all the people I knew. Can you imagine living in places where the rules change from place to place? You wouldn’t know what to think or do, so you might do nothing, or try to run away – not counting the mean boy. But the instability alone would be enough to upset a well-grounded person, but I can’t imagine what a 9-10-year-old would do with all the instability. I would love to see chapter two in Esther’s story after the honeymoon, when the real work gets started, and they have to adjust to each other. I know it can be done, but I’d love to hear about the trials and successes in that process.
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HI Marsha, you make good points with your different perspective. Thank you.
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It’s a great comment. I love comments that invite conversation like that. Esther’s post is a fabulous discussion starter. I hope she writes more about the subject. 🙂 xxx
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Having read a few of Esther’s short story collections, I think this style of story is right up her street.
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She is a talented person. 🙂 xxxxx Lots of talented people in the SC community!
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That is true
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Sorry to be so late, Robbie. I missed your comments. I really appreciate them and for you to take the time to read the story.
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My pleasure, Esther. It’s a great story.
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A very moving story! The children who are living in a home and are up for adoption have a very scary and unsettling experience most times. I’m glad this boy had a happy ending but his journey sure was harrowing. The adoption process is never 100% accurate but the background checks are very important. A lovely story
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Thank you for your comment, Sadje. Yes, your words remind me of how scary these experiences are for children. They don’t have the emotional resources or the human resources to know how to deal with all the unsettling traumas they have to endure. I don’t know how they make it through those times.
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Indeed. It’s a scary and unsettling thing for them.
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Thank you for your lovely words, Sadje.
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It a pleasure. Loved reading the story and one could experience and relate to the emotions.
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Yes, indeed! 🙂
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🥰🥰🥰
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What a tear-jerker from Esther. I was pretty choked up by the end. These stories sound so familiar, almost cliched, and yet they still are incredibly moving. Our species isn’t very kind to children, and when the lost ones find a true home, it can’t help but stir the heart. A lovely story, Esther. Thanks for sharing, Marsha.
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Thank you, Diana. I’ve been excited to share her story. It is one of those sad, but sort of true stories, that is probably more truth than fiction. Some of the comments validate the truth. She did an excellent job of telling the story from a boy’s perspective. It would make a great children’s story, if it is not too sad to read.
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Probably too much focus on the hard failures for a children’s book, but a happy ending that every child wants to experience. It was surely emotional to read!
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It would make a good youth book, then. I told Robbie, I’d love to read the rest of the book in which the boy and his forever family deepen their relationships, struggle and eventually find love, acceptance and change as they adapt to each other.
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That would be wonderful!
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Thank you for your lovely comments, Diana. I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner. I really appreciate it and am glad you enjoyed the story.
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My pleasure to read, Esther.
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Esther did such a beautiful job capturing the pain and fragile hope of a child just longing for love and safety. Loved this ❤️
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Isn’t a great story? I loved it, too. We hope that all abused children would have a chance at a happy life. It’s so hard for them to adjust to each new household, even when the people are nice. And it’s hard for the foster parents when they don’t just fold in to their ways of life. I would guess that parents seldom consider adapting the lifestyle of the foster child because they believe their ways are better. (That’s just a guess from knowing a few foster parents who did not have the best long-term relationships with the children they fostered. Many times they were too strict for the children to adjust.
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Thank you so much for your kind comments.
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Esther, thanks for such a feel good ending – and also a very realistic scenario of some foster situations.
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Usually we hear about the girls who are attacked, so this was eye opening that boys are just as vulnerable as girls are but in different ways. 🙂
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yes, and on a side note, I watched a rerun of a show that highlighted how the children from the Turpin family (where 13 children had been abused) well in the show, I guess many of th children were further abused in the foster homes they were placed in (so sad) – and the worker in charge of the 600K that was raised in support for the kids was mishandled by the case worker.
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Oh my gosh, how awful is that? As if life isn’t hard enough, to have to start like that and have everyone that comes along abuse you even more. How can people do that? I took in a high school girl who had been in foster care since she was removed from her home at age nine. She had been raped by one of the boys in one of the homes. I don’t know what else, but by the time she was in high school, she applied for and was granted emancipation. That’s when I took her in for about six months.
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oh how kind of you to take her in for six months –
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It was a great experience. I learned a little about what kind of a parent I might have been. I saw my father in my actions from time to time – like when she brought home a D on her report card because I had been acting more like a friend than a parent. We’d been having a great time together. I was mortified. When another colleague had her in her home, Teresa brought home straight As. That was an eye opener. 🙂 xxx
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Nice Post. Very nice & interesting story telling you.
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Glad you enjoyed it, Raj. 🙂 xxx
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Thanks, Marsha! ☺️
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[…] don’t want to miss this exciting new story by Esther Chilton, “Going Home,” told from the perspective of a young boy in a foster care […]
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I enjoyed your story, Esther, and the style and word choices for the young boy worked for me. Like others, I hope he found his forever home. That left me longing to find out what happens. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
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Thank you so much for your comment. I’m glad you enjoyed the story 😊
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Great comment, Grant. What do you think might happen?
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Given the story’s slant, I see this as a happily-ever-after ending. But it could be a cautionary tale. I prefer the HEA.
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I prefer Happily Ever After, too. I don’t always write those kind, though.
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The subtle but important narrative drive also propelled the story. Kudos, Esther!
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Great comment, Grant. Thanks!
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Nicely done. So many young people are caught up in broken, underfunded foster care programs. I like how the story gives readers hope that the boy has truly found his forever home.
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Great comment, Janis. It does give hope. It is hard from the other perspective as well, but the child doesn’t have the skills to cope with all that the world tosses at them at such an early age.
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Thank you for reading my story, Janis, and for your lovely comment.
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This story brought tears to my eyes and tugged at my heart. I know this is fiction, but there are many stories like this in real life, so it is a timely piece of writing. Well done, Esther for getting into this young boy’s head and our hearts.
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These kinds of stories are what change the world sometimes.
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Many thanks for reading my story, Darlene, and I’m so glad you enjoyed it.
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You can’t help hoping for him, can you?
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For sure! He’s a doll.
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Thank you for your comment, Cathy, and for reading the story.
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It’s great to be part of this wonderful group. Thank you for featuring my story, Marsha 🥰
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You are so welcome, Esther. It’s wonderful to have such talented writers who write for Story Chat. I am proud to welcome you to the community. 🙂 xxx
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💗💗
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What a heart wrenching journey for this young boy. Told so tenderly here from his own point of view. Brava for capturing the tangled spirit of this journey onto finding love.
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Thank you for taking the time to read it and for your comment. Much appreciated, Violet 🌷
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It’s hard to imagine having to cope with all that little guy had to deal with in his young life. We all get a bunch of bumps and bruises, but his hurts were more like gouges, and broken bones compared to the average child. It opens our eyes up to what children who are in the foster care system sometimes have to go through.
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A passionate story from a young person who just wanted to be loved. It is brilliantly written and emotional.
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Thank you so much for reading and for your comment 😊
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You’re welcome 🥰
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Thanks, Diana. This is Esther’s first Story Chat experience. I thought it was brilliant as well, and I am glad you are her first comment of the day with that great encouragement. 🙂 xxx
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🥰
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