Story Chat is more than a writing challenge. It is a unique and proven online program encouraging interaction between authors and readers. It’s part writers group, part beta readers, and part fun fiction and pure enjoyment.
SUMMARIES – I’m taking a break from writing summaries while we finish moving. As always, one, or a compilation, of your comments will appear with a link to one of the latest posts on your website.
April 8th was originally reserved for Yvette Prior, but she rescheduled for August. This is one of my new stories. I hope you enjoy it.
Re-envisioning The Garden of Eden
I remember living in the Garden. We named it Eden. We named all the animals. God made my wife, and I named her Eve. One day, she strolled alone in the garden.
golden-tinged mountains
home to bobcats, bears, lions
resting in the pines
join us for our evening walks
planning the next day with God
“How was your day?” I asked Eve when she returned.
She sat down on the little bench I built and sniffed the flowers I’d picked for the table. Fingering them absently she gazed away from the sun.
“Have you ever talked to Serpy, Adam?”
“Didn’t God say to be on guard against him?”
“I think he has disobeyed God. I don’t know what is wrong with him exactly. This is how it went.”
******
“I was resting under the Tree of Life. Chips, our little chipmunk, brought me a drink in a leaf, chilled water from the River of Life. We sat eating cherries and almonds until the high sun passed, chatting about fruits and nuts. One of the serpents strolled by and sat down with us in the shade.
“I bet you love these trees.”
“Oh yes, they are so full, and the fruit is almost ripe.”
“So, what are you going to pick for dinner tonight?”
“Adam loves figs, and I love peaches, so probably several of each.”
“You should make a salad and add some walnuts,” added the chipmunk. “I’ll go get you some and be back in a jiffy.”
“That sounds lovely,” the serpent said. “What about the tree over there in the center?”
God’s luscious garden
life, abundance, easy care
colorful, life-giving fruits
all edible except one
Knowledge of Good and Evil
The serpent walked around, standing directly in front of Eve, and pointed to the tree.
“God doesn’t want us to eat that fruit,” Eve answered the serpent.
“Why not? It’s ripe and would taste great in your salad tonight. Try one,” the serpent tempted.
“No thanks.”
“Didn’t God say you would die,” Chips said as he placed some walnuts on the ground next to Eve.
“Thanks, Chips. That was fast! I think that was what God said,” said Eve, but why should we disobey? I adore peaches and that’s what I’m planning for tonight. Want a couple of nuts, Serpy?”
“Eating the fruit from that tree will make you like God,” the serpent said with a shrug as he declined the nuts.
“Who wants to be like God?” the chipmunk said. My dad says he travels around the stars all night.”
“What do you think, Eve?” the serpent harped. “Don’t you want to be a little smarter than you are now?”
“That’s not kind, Serpy. God says I’m very smart. Adam, too. We’re smart enough to be the overseers of all the animals. I’m sure that includes you. Why don’t you go off and play? You can climb the tree. You eat the fruit if you dare.”
my heart churns within
what is this unknown feeling?
I want him to leave
my stomach roils inside me
my head is squirming earthworms
“Eve, you aren’t seeing the bigger picture. If I eat it, I’ll be way smarter than you.”
“You already think you’re smarter, so I don’t see the benefit. Tell you what, we’ll talk to God some more about the tree tonight. Maybe He will change his mind. He must have a good reason for putting the tree there.”
The chipmunk tired of their conversation and dashed off to find his sister. A bobcat came along and sat down beside Eve.
“What are you guys talking about?” he asked. Do you have any more water?”
“ No, I’m out,” Eve answered. “We are discussing the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Here, eat a peach. It’s juicy.”
The bobcat leaned over and sank his sharp teeth into the peach, biting the seed in half.
“Don’t eat the seed. It makes new trees. So, Bob, what do you think about doing something God said not to do?”
“Don’t know. He hasn’t told me anything. If he said, ‘Don’t lay around all day,’ I’d have to think about it.”
“I thought you lived in the mountains. That’s a long way from here. You can’t lie around all day and come here.”
“You’re a sharp one, Eve. Yeah, well, I sleep every day along the way to get here. God hasn’t said anything to me about not sleeping. All us cats like to sleep.”
“Yeah, even my little Frisky sleeps most of the day after he plays with the bugs on the flowers.”
people talk to God
animals do what they do
can God be trusted
serpents are not what they seem
his motives - obscured from view
“So, Serpy, do you try so hard to get the animals to disobey God?”
“You heard Bob. They don’t have any orders. Only you guys.”
She petted Bob as she leaned against the trunk with his head in her lap. He was already fast asleep, making little contented snorts as he slept.
“What about you? Didn’t God give you any rules?”
“He did. They were unreasonable.”
“So you think not eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge is an unreasonable demand? Did you obey God’s rules, even the ones you thought were unreasonable?”
“Like I said, they were unreasonable.”
“I heard you. I don’t think you did obey. God doesn’t make unreasonable rules. If Chips’ little babies don’t do what he says, they get in trouble for their own good. What did God do because you didn’t obey the rules you had?”
“We’re not here to talk about me, Eve.”
Her arm hairs stood up.
She considered what to do.
I should be gracious. Should I stay or should I go? I wish God were here right now.
“The question is, do you want to get smarter?”
“Adam says we learn something every night we chat with God. I will take my chances that he’ll tell us what we need to know when we need it. He told us to watch out for you because you’re crafty.”
“Crafty means smarter than you.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But you’re not smarter than God.”
The Serpent began to blow smoke out of his nostrils.
“You need to get yourself under control, Serpy. I’ll see you later, “
******
“That’s what I told him. Then he left, and that was that.”
“Interesting, he wouldn’t answer your questions, but he kept asking you the same question about the tree.”
“He gave me the creeps, Adam. I’ve never felt that before from any of the animals.”
“I’m not sure he’s an animal, Eve.
“What else would he be?”
“I don’t know.”
The sun was beginning to sink below the horizon. We could hear God’s footsteps coming up the path into the garden.
“We have a lot of questions for you tonight, Lord,” Adam and Eve said simultaneously,
“I thought you might.”
Something to Think About
Of course, you don’t have to answer all or any of these questions in your comment, but they add depth to our discussions if you choose to use them.
- What emotions do you think the author wanted you to feel?
- What theme or themes did “Re-envisioning The Garden of Eden” have? A list of 25 themes.
- How might their conversation go with God that evening?
- Where was God when Eve needed him to answer Serpy? Why do you think he didn’t intervene?
- How did the story impact you? How long do you think you will remember it?
Attendance
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Upcoming April 22nd
YouTube Trailers for Volumes I and II
Story Chat Volume II Book Blog Tour Schedule
- Colleen Chesebro – November 24, 2024 (US) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Gloria – November 29 (UK)
- Robbie & Michael – November 30 (SA)
- Diana – December 1 (US)
- Doug – December 2 (AU) December 1 (US, UK, SA) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Cathy – December 4 (UK) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Amanda – December 9 (AU) December 8 (US, UK, SA)
- Dan– December 11 (US)
- Philip – December 14 (UK)
- Cindy Georgekas – December 16 (US)
- Esther Chilton – January 30 (UK ) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- D. L. Finn – February 4 (US) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Yvette – February 5 (US) Thanks for reviewing on Amazon.
- Hugh – January 27 (UK)
Marsha Ingrao Always Write 
82 responses to “Story Chat Digest: “Re-envisioning The Garden of Eden” by Marsha Ingrao”
I hope the move is going well Marsha.
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We are sort of in, Phil. You could come over and I wouldn’t be embarrassed. But as you know, there’s more behind the scenes. 🙂 Thanks for your kind inquiry! 🙂
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Lol.. it was my pleasure, Marsha. I haven’t been to a bible study for a few years. This was worthwhile interaction.
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Thanks, Nigel. I haven’t been to one either for about a year or so. 🙂 xxx
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Well it is written in Ezekiel 28 that lucifer was a covering cherub.. and covering cherubs are hovering over the ark of the covenant. That’s why my mind went there… purely speculation with my creative imagination.
And no..I was not considering Lucifer to be equal to God..nor Adam and Eve.
The speculation was whether or not the angels were given the same test as mankind… and what provision of mercy may have been in place. But purely speculating.
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Oh, I get it! I don’t think they were because of all the good work done by the remaining angels. What an interesting idea, though. If that h add d happened, the realm of sin and evil would have been much more pervasive. Humans are limited to the earth and this solar system, as far as I know. Angels are all over the place. Aren’t they spirits only, no bodies unless they choose to have one so that they may be seen?
You’ve made me think, though. I wonder if God would be merciful to the fallen angels if they repented and acknowledged Jesus. What a thought!
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It was a tough one for much of humanity. Accept Jesus as the son of God?
Maybe old Lucy felt he had a better right to that privilege… beautiful son of the morning… all these praises got to his, declaring that I shall be like the Most High.
I know much of the scripture is allegorical and poetic, but I do enjoy the periphery of many of the stories..the unasked questions.
A great story you crafted, Marsha.
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Thank you, and I loved our discussion. It’s what reading and writing is made of. I felt like I’d been to a Bible study. 🙂
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[…] Story Chat Digest: Re-envisioning the Garden of Eden […]
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Hi Marsha… I loved the reimagining of the biblical narrative. Adding a few characters, and dialog to bring depth and meaning..even stirring the thought process. I adore biblical fiction, especially because it allows young minds to engage…and curious minds too.
I loved this. Well done, Marsha
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Thank you, Nigel. I hope God likes it, too. It definitely creates a different scenario for him to interact with his creatures. In the meantime, the Serpent became much more skilled at his work, and his defeat cost God everything. All because Eve succumbed to his temptations. The big question is this. Had she not succumbed then, would she later give in to some other temptation? Would one of her offspring? Given free choice and the human characteristic of curiosity, I don’t see how someone along the way would not have given in. The other thing I wonder about is that as one of his created beings – a little higher than humans, did God still love him? Was that why he didn’t just destroy him instantly when he fell from heaven. When he sinned, why did God not use his infinite power to annihilate him? Unless he still loved him and thought there might be a chance at reconciliation.
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Very thought provoking questions…
My logc agrees with Paul’s.. just as through one man entered into the world…
I reckon if Adam and Eve had resisted, that would’ve been the end of the test.
I think that God still loves the light bearer. He’s one of his own. I do think that everyone had a chance at redemption…and they chose to continue in opposition.
The land slain since the foundation of the world,.. the concept of the sanctuary on earth being a replica of one in have etc.. implies that even the fallen had a chance to accept mercy being offered.
What I often wonder about, is was it the same proposition for them, as it was for us?.. namely.. believe on the son of God.
Now that blows my mind. Two covering cherubs… one falls, leads a rebellion and the other… might be God?
Maybe I imagine too much
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Wow, that’s what writing this story did to me. It made my imagination run wild with what might have been. Interesting that you quoted Paul saying, “Just as through one MAN, sin entered into the world.” That is what he said, and yet, Eve was the initial culprit. I wonder if Adam had trusted God, not taken that bite – God would have probably sent his son for Eve, but sin wouldn’t have entered the world? Or would He have had Adam do something else with Eve, or what? We know that God is merciful. Yet Christ came because of sin coming into the world through Adam! Fascinating, Nigel.
Your other quote that he was the lamb slain since the foundation of the world, does indicate that Christ’s role was in place before Adam and Eve were created. Hmmm. I don’t think the proposition was the same for them as it was for us. God had to slay animals to make coverings for them, thus indication that blood had to be shed to cover sin. It was not a matter of forgetting about it and moving on. There were some major consequences for the animals they already knew and loved. Thus the sacrifice of animals was started by God. I don’t know that he got to the point of revealing all of his plan to them before they were cast from his presence in the Garden.
Concerning the two cherubs. Who are you thinking were the cherubs? Not Adam and Eve, surely. Satan and God. Satan is not equal in power to God in any way, but is a created being just like we are. Were there two angels? I think there were multitudes of them also, but I don’t know how the multitudes came to be, whether God created them one by one, or they multiplied somehow. We know that God is not a created being, which would mean that his son was not created either. They all just are and were from eternity. However, once God laid the foundation of the world, Christ’s role must have changed somehow. He probably frolicked with the angels before the foundation of the world. 🙂 How fun to imagine the unimaginable. 🙂 xxx
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Hello Marsha, wow, this was interesting and wuite a surprise. I did not expect a revamp of this Bible story. I think you made it fun and added some excellent original poetry.
On a side note, the timing of my reading this is also interesting – because my niece just started a Bible study. She is at a point in her life where her faith has really developed – and she was just asking my mother for some info about the garden of Eden and Adam and Eve. She also had a question about Romans but was really curious about the Eden story you revamped here. My mom did not have much to elaborate on, except to say it was a narrative symbolizing the introduction of sin and death into the world and that OT is a lot of Jewish history and all of it points towards Jesus (his heritage and his coming) and she noted that not a lot of people understand how the OT applies to Christians today. She also suggested starting with the New Testament rather than getting bogged down with Old Testament history/narrative because the New Testament provides a clearer introduction to Jesus and the core teachings of Christianity.
Anyhow, this was an unexpected story and really original – 🙂
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Thank you so much for your comment, Yvette. I wrote it a few months ago when I was reading the story in my devotional time, and so many thoughts came to my mind. There are many mysteries in the Bible. That may be what keep people going back to it century after century – kind of like Hugh’s open ended stories, they are thought provoking because the entire story is not spelled out ad nauseum. Yet, almost every aspect of life, every prophesy in the Old Testament, and every story in the New Testament comes back to this story of when and how sin entered the world and bad things started to happen. As I read in my devotion a few days ago about how difficult it was for Jesus to wrestle with Satan. He sweat blood in the Garden of Gethsemane. He wrestled over the same issues during the 40 days in the Wilderness. “Man does not live on bread alone.” Food is essential to life, and so is the word of God. It was hard for God incarnate to wrestle with Satan, how much more so a young, newly-formed woman. I think God just wanted to keep her safe and yet start training her for the appearance of Satan. He couldn’t have done that without some simple rules to break. Had she not succumbed the first time, you know he would have been back. He was new at this, too. He got much more satanic by the time Jesus was born. That’s my view from reading and imagining anyway. 🙂 xxx Thanks again for reading.
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A fascinating re-imagining of the story of Adam and Eve, Marsha. I’m not a religious person and actually dislike the original. That said, your version seems like a somewhat gentler version of God, and I appreciated that God seemed accessible, more of a teacher than a terrible parent.
I did wonder about your audience. In some ways the story seemed written for children. The nicknames of the animals in particular were cute and fun. Those combined with Eve’s innocence, and the simple/modern dialogue made me guess at an audience of .6-8 year-olds (my guess).
I enjoyed the poetry, though those additions to the story seemed written for an older audience. So I think there may be an opportunity there for tweaking to make the narrative and poetry match.
My guess is that the theme of the story is obedience. But it seems like obedience for obedience’s sake, and to me that does seem “unreasonable.” What’s wrong with being smart? Knowledge is a good thing. Adam and Eve have free will to choose, but that requires good information, not blind obedience. That’s another reason why I think the impending conversation with God at the end is a nice touch. I hope God provides a compelling reason not to eat the fruit. Then if they eat it anyway … oh well.
Thanks so much for sharing your story and inviting some feedback. I hope my comments were interesting if not useful. Have a lovely day, my friend. I hope your move is going well!
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Diana, your comments are always welcome and insightful. I appreciate the time you take out of your busy schedule.
I hadn’t actually thought about this being a children’s story, although I guess it could be. I’m a child at heart, I guess – perpetual K-4th grade teacher, LOL.
I don’t think Eve saw the issue as not being smart. She thought she was smart, but you bring up a good point. Education was my business, and Serpy doesn’t mention any other ways of getting smart other than eating. Seriously???? I eat all the time, and I can assure the world that I haven’t gotten much smarter because of it, although I think chocolate is brain food.
You touched on another main issue that I hadn’t thought about – blind obedience. It is important in the case of very young children, which I think Adam and Eve were at that point in their lives. They hadn’t had children yet in the book of Genesis. Would they have remained young, innocent children forever, had they not eaten of the Tree of Knowledge? Or would they have matured and eventually learned more about the nature of God and of the fruit, and of Serpy, so that they could then make a decision based on knowledge rather than blind obedience. That’s not clear in either the Bible or in my story. It’s worth developing a conversation, though.
Thanks again for your thought-provoking feedback. 🙂 xxx
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Eating to get smart? Wouldn’t that be nice! Lol. It’s an interesting Bible story, isn’t it? As I mentioned I’m not fond of the original, and would have prefered it if God taught Adam and Even to think critically rather than expect blind obedience. I think that works with children too, even young ones, though that doesn’t mean they’re in charge. 🙂
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Great comment. This is an interesting Bible story. It sets the stage for the rest of time. Other Scriptures refer back to it often.
We don’t really know what all God taught Adam. If he was just formed, what did he know? He would be instinctively doing some things, but critical thinking skills take a while developmentally.
So where Adam and Eve were in their developmental stage, we don’t know. I guess that’s why I thought of them like young children. However old they were, they were not prepared for dealing with a crafty misleading being.
So either God had to hover over all his creatures constantly or he had to trust them to obey some basic commands so they could begin to be independent beings. That takes a baby about two years to learn. So I get the commands. The Eden kids just got burned and learned the hard way.
Thanks again for joining in on my wild imaginary journey. 😍😍😍
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Super fun, Marsha. I enjoyed the story and the discussion!
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Thank you so much, my friend. I am honored. I loved the conversation, too. 🙂 xxx
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Hi Marsha, of course, I know this story very well. It was told to me many times as a girl. It was an interesting choice of story to rework due to its religious context. I liked the idea of Serpi trying to sweet talk Eve into breaking the law and eating an apple and her resistance. I also liked the fun interventions of the other animals. All in an entertaining and uplifting story.
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BTW, do you still want artworks. I have a painting of a lion and a haiku to go with it.
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Yes, definitely. That would be awesome. 🙂
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Great, I’ll send it over later today.
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Thank you, Robbie. Like I was telling Hugh, she was very young and very inexperienced. We have no idea how long she lived in the Garden of Eden before she met up with Serpy.
Last night I read about the Passion of Christ, and when He battled Satan in the Garden of Gethsemane the capillaries in his head burst and he started sweating blood. If it was that hard for Jesus, my story was too frivolous about Satan’s meeting with Eve. She was less than a bug to him. But she was still dependent on God and had confidence in him, which is what saved her.
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I thought it was a very good and thought provoking story, Marsha. And yes, Adam and Eve would have been very young and lacking in experience of any kind. A very good comment.
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We don’t really know how long they were there before the serpent came, but considering how experience Jesus was when he did battle with satan, and how hard it was for him, it’s no wonder that in the book of Genesis she gave right in. It probably wouldn’t have mattered if she had been there for a thousand years.
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Yes, that does sound plausible.
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Although I am not religious, I have heard the story of Adam and Eve, and your take on it provided a whole new perspective, Marsha. As writers, we are free to write what we like and should not worry about facts that do not align with real life when writing in certain genres. Anything can happen in these genres.
I struggled a bit with identifying who was speaking in some sections of the story, and the mix of poetry did not appeal to me. However, that’s just my opinion because I’ve never found poetry particularly entertaining to read. I find it hard to understand, so I would have preferred this story without the poetry.
Overall, your writing is excellent. You certainly weave a compelling story that keeps me engaged, preventing me from stopping and returning to it. I read your story in one sitting without needing to revisit it to understand what was happening, even with the occasional confusion over who was speaking. However, I’ll be honest and say that I much preferred your other stories – ‘Jenny’s Bumpy Start’ and ‘Let The Chips Fall’- to this one.
Fables are captivating reads that deserve their own genre. However, they are frequently classified within the fantasy genre, which doesn’t always fit. This story is an example of that, especially given its religious connection.
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Thanks, Hugh for your feedback. I’m glad you liked my other stories. They are all very different.
You may not be religious, Hugh, but I know you feel gratitude for the beautiful things on our planet. You have a sweet spirit. Something helped you become the wonderful, open, helpful, and loving self that we bloggers have come to know and love.
Gary had a hard time with the poetry. I’m not sure why I put that in there except that I’ve been writing a lot of poetry, and it just came out. If I alter it for the next Story Chat edition, I might leave it out if it doesn’t forward the movement of the story. I think the poem where she shares her feelings about the serpent is my most appropriate piece. But I think the beauty of living in the Garden of Eden must have inspired a lot of poetry.
The other thing I thought as I wrote and pondered this story was how young she was. This is the Eve of the Bible reimagined, and she was formed from the rib of Adam, according to scripture. That would make her a full-grown woman at the time of birth, just as Adam was being formed of the dust of the earth into a full-grown man. Working within those parameters they had no experience to deal with the wily character of Satan, a fallen angel from heaven. He had hundreds, thousands, millions of years of experience on them, and she had the childish belief that he was a formed animal like the others in the Garden. She was literally a babe in the woods.
The food for thought would be what would a world look like with no original sin – no hatred, no greed, no materialism, no killing, no starvation or poverty, no death, decay, or disease. No need for Jesus to come into the world as a savior, but he would just be there as part of the walk through the Garden.
The Garden would have eventually had to sprawl across the entire earth, and when populations got too large, they would have had to find new planets on which to live. Pure creativity 24/7. It boggles my mind.
Sadly, that wasn’t what happened, and we do have all the bad things along with all of the good things in life.
I’ve gotten way too philosophical here, Hugh, but you are good at getting chat started, my friend.
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Well, isn’t that what Story Chat is all about, Marsha? To start chatting? I’m glad my comment sparked a conversation.
Regarding the poetry in the story, it halts the story’s progression. It’s like watching a movie interrupted by ads. When that happens, I may grab a drink or snack while waiting for the movie to restart, but I much prefer to watch a movie uninterrupted. We recently received Disney Plus as a free gift, and those ads ruin anything I watch. They disrupt everything I’m viewing. It’s like reaching a dead end, turning around, and continuing on my way to my destination.
I saw above you talking with Robbie about artwork. If artwork replaced the poetry, it wouldn’t have the effect of stopping the story in its tracks – not for me, anyway.
But you have to go with whatever feels best for you. After all, it’s your story.
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Thanks for the feedback, Hugh. I value your thoughts, as you know. I get what you are saying about poetry.
Speaking of poetry, your story, The Watcher inspired one of my poems in my upcoming book of poetry.
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I always love it when I am told that a piece of my writing has inspired somebody, Marsha. Thank you for letting me know.
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I’ll post a copy of it on my blog after the book comes out along with a reblog of your story.
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Hi Marsha,
This was a gutsy kind of story – reimagining how the story of Adam & Eve and how original sin entered our reality.
Just so others will know, my background is very Christian and my take on the original story is that it is hard history with details left out that I would have loved to have been included – so many questions begging for answers …
I have a second issue that you already know about. It’s poetry. I simply lack the gene needed for a person to understand poetry. Adding it the way you did breaks the story for me so I tried to at least glimpse what you were trying to say – but I swear – that missing gene is like a gap in my brain that the words may as well have been in Urdu because they made no sense to me. Sigh.
But let me offer what I can. First off, I expected this to be fun because you are the author and I could see you wondering out loud how this story could have gone differently.
You start with Adam narrating and him asking how her day went. You described Eve with a disturbed frame of mind as she answered her husband and then cleanly switched the POV to Eve describing the scene as the original scene unfolded.
Eve chatting with the animals was a fun idea and, because the original story did not have any of the normal animals talking, this turned the story into more a bible-inspired fairy tale. Okay, got it. Let’s see what happens.
The river of life tripped me because this was not part of the original story. Biblical references to it are about something different – apart from the garden scene, but okay, it was a fun thought here, and I waited to see if you used it somehow. I don’t think you did so now wonder if you wanted it to add some flavor or side point but forgot or changed your mind or just mentioning it satisfied your intent.
You are really good with dialog and while the original story did not have the animals talking, that you did have it was a great way to mine and churn Eve’s thoughts for the reader — clever!
Your first paragraph in this POV quotes Eve – but you didn’t have a closing quote mark. Intended?
Your second line has no attribution and left me unsure who was talking. Chips was there but Serpe had just arrived — so who was speaking? I think it was Serpe but the back and forth discussion includes a line about Chips running off to gather some walnuts for her – so maybe Serpe remained silent until Chips left. I recommend you clarify who’s speaking as this is the kickoff for the discussion.
I loved how comfy the words were that you placed in Serpe’s mouth. He would have been attractive, and we know from the original story that he both spoke and was crafty about setting his trap.
After the next piece of poetry, you have Serpe pointing to the tree. The scene is clear but the next quote is not. Who said, “God doesn’t want us to eat that fruit.” This really sounds like Eve, but the way you closed the previous paragraph made it sound like Serpe. I paused trying to make sure I understood who was speaking – is Marsha using the Serpent to remind Eve that God doesn’t want her/them to eat the forbidden fruit? Awkward – but possible. Marsha is certainly competent enough to twist the story to have the serpent do this for some purpose she’s going to unfold.
It was helpful, but perhaps to quick for Chips to be back already with the walnuts so he could remind Eve and Serpe that God said you would die.
Eve’s answer is kinda weird. Read Chips line and Eve’s answer out loud and you’ll catch a couple of confusing points. She says thanks, agrees to what God said, (missing a reopening quote mark) but why should we disobey – followed by her peaches remark which no one had mentioned, then offering some nuts to Serpe – a fun closing remark that reminds us how warm and friendly Serpe had made himself.
I’ll back away from the micro-editing and leave you to do a scrub of the story – looking for similar disconnects and opportunities to clarify, because now the story is rolling and it’s fun to imagine the scene unfolding as you describe.
I loved how you put being smarter into play and replaced Chips with Bob to strengthen the feel of a group of friends chatting. I loved how you had Eve reason with Serpe and remind Bob about not destroying the peach seed.
I really liked how you introduced the notion that animals were not given any instructions. This really sets us apart from the animals – a nice reminder that theologically – we humans are not animals in God’s eyes. We’re unique creations – whose actions and decisions are significant -a fact that even Serpe points out.
But Serpe did have rules – so he too was/is not an animal. His actions are significant, but by now he’s getting kind of touchy. He gives away the possibility that he’s disobeyed God and presumes to be authoritative enough to tell Eve that “We’re not here to talk about me. . .” which was a killer strong line in your story – wonderfully delivered.
Your back-and-forth dialog from her on was spot-on gripping. Crafty – smarter than and Eve asserting that Serpe needs to get himself under control – all this was very strong.
Your final POV switch takes us back to Eve and Adam chatting with Eve narrating.
And – you did change the outcome of the original story – fun and thought provoking.
Your closing was quietly dramatic and is now going to monopolize my mind for the rest of the day wondering “what if.” What if – indeed!
Bravo Marsha! Clean up a few things and you’ve got another great story to add to your collection.
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Wow, Gary, you are a thorough analyst. Thanks for that! I did make a couple of changes in the conversation. around Chips.
Sorry about the poetry. I’m just in a poetry mindset. My new book is poetry, so I’m in the groove.
Good catch on the River of Life. I had to look it up. Remember the old song, “I’ve got a river of life flowing out of me…” That might have been on my mind. Here is what Google had to say about the River of Life. “The Bible describes Eden as a mountain garden from which God’s peace and flourishing were supposed to flow to all the earth. The meaning of the river in Eden is connected to the life of God. The tree and the river in Psalm 1 are connected to the tree of life and the river of life in Genesis 1 and 2.” Thanks again for all your thoughts. 🙂 Glad you’re back, BTW.
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It’s nice to be back Marsha. I’m still struggling with the Medicare folks – several of which I hope are included in the to-be-laid-off list from DOGE because they are useless, but that’s just dust in air that will soon settle.
Don’t worry about me and poetry. I’ve tried to work around this handicap but it never works. I’m just wired different it seems.
Very cool that you have a book pending. Don’t let my issues with poetry be mistaken for NOT wishing you huge success with it because I do. On the river of life – it clearly is a biblical construct. I just didn’t find it in the story of Adam and Eve and thought it worth calling out. Because I both like to encourage your authors (and you) I want to complement where I can, but I’m serious about trying to find things that I think could be improved. Such feedback is the most valuable thing I hope for when it’s my story on deck. Compliments are wonderful but caring improvement assistance – this helps me be a better writer which is much more valuable and appreciated.
On the other hand – finding things that you should improve is getting to be pretty tough.
I learn stuff when trying to critique your work.
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Wow, that’s one of the best compliments I’ve ever had. I’m glad you are having trouble finding things to improve.
I totally get that about poetry. I tried to read T.S. Eliot, and had a very hard time. I just finished a book by Maggie Watson from Ephemeral Encounters, and a book by Langston Hughes that were really good. Robbie Cheadle writes poetry I understand. Her book Lion Scream is fabulous. It makes sense, and there is a hard message. I enjoy poetry a lot more than I used to since I’ve been doing Tanka Tuesday and other poetry challenges. My book is almost a memoir.
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A lovely story going back in time with lots of savory twists in this fun engaging story and lovely dialogue and poems Marsha! 🙌🙌🏽💕
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Thanks, Cindy. I had fun writing it.
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Fun story and format, Marsha, forming within me a need to learn more. For example, I wanted to know more about Serpy, especially his motivations. Most of all, thanks for entertaining, informing, and inspiring us!
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That’s a good question. What was Serpy’s motivation in the first place? I always wondered why God put up with him. Of course, he was one of his creations, too, but he was so naughty. That sounds like a great chapter two, if there were going to be a chapter two. 🙂 xxx
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Again, fantastic story, Marsha. Underneath today’s many translations are root words for the serpent that modern times have lumped into a few terms like Satan or devil. It’s an interesting study. The parsing of those words into names helps us better understand not only Genesis, but other books like Job. Granular discussion on what was “allowed” versus what was “caused” opens our eyes. The tapestry of the Word is so rich, we spend a lifetime searching. Then, in the blink of an eye, we arrive in our forever home, where answers await for all those hard questions. I wonder, though, with the joy of arrival and an eternity to bask in the glow, will we even care to ask?
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Your last question is paramount. I think we won’t care. Why do we now, I wonder? I think we misunderstand the bad things that happen in our lives and do question whether or not God’s plan is REALLY the best thing. I’m reading a great book right now called the God Story, which talks about our “wilderness” times. This would include Job’s trials. The interesting thing is that we usually draw closer to God during the times of trial or trouble, and God uses those times to refine us. “The work of the wilderness, a painful gift, revealing our attachments and weaning us off our false distorted identities. …Wilderness is not a place of punishment but the place where holy patterns are scribed on our hearts, preparing us for the inheritance ahead.”
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A thought provoking story Marsha. There is free will granted to humans and how we use it is how we will be judged.
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Thanks, Sadje. At this point, I don’t know if Eve even knows what judgement is. She’d find out if she ever gives into Serpy. She won the first battle, though. After three tries, Satan departed from Jesus, so I imagine that Serpy will be back for a second shot at Eve. The first temptation for Jesus was also over food, but he had been fasting for forty days. Eve obviously wasn’t fasting, yet the temptation was about food. I expect that the temptations would get more difficult before he left her alone. Power wouldn’t be much of an issue because there were no people yet to have power over, and they already had dominion over the animals. Becoming more knowledgeable in addition to eating would have been a big temptation to a woman who was just born – and born as an adult without any background knowledge.
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Yes, I agree that since they haven’t step over the line yet so they are unaware of the consequences. Nicely imagined and written story my dear friend
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. 🙂
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It’s my pleasure. I’ve been busy with our Eid celebrations, my granddaughter’s birthday and my own physiotherapy that’s why my comments are late.
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No worries, Sadje. I hope you had a wonderful Eid celebration. Raj was telling me what they were making, and it looked delicious.
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Thanks Marsha, we did and then there was my granddaughter’s 6th birthday party on Sunday.
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Lots of activity! Fun!
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Yes indeed. Thanks 🌹
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I enjoyed this very much, Marsha. Very well written, and I loved the use of poems throughout. I assume these were a particular type of poem?
So, Bob, what do you think about… Calling the bobcat Bob really tickled my funny bone. I loved the conversational style of your story.
I do think I’ll remember your story for a good long while. Maybe even always whenever I hear mention of the story of Adam and Eve. Surely God set them straight that evening, so it is a wonder how Eve ultimately disobeyed.
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In my story, we don’t know if she ever did. In the actual story, we don’t know how long she actually walked with God before Serpy got ahold of her to tempt her.
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In your story, if she never did disobey … the whole of history would have been changed. That’s kind of exciting to think about! 🙂
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It’s an amazing thought. In a book I’m reading right now, There would have been no need for a savior to come to earth because there would have been no one lost, sick, deformed, deaf, blind, mute, demon possessed, poor or any of the other problems that he healed. Who knows what we would be doing. I’m sure some of us would be establishing new worlds by now since no one would be dying. It boggles my mind.
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I like that the chipmunk and the bobcat were part of the conversation, adding a diifferent dimension to the situation. Eve was not all alone when the serpent talked to her. In this “Re-envisioning,” Eve had not eaten the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge yet. She had a chance to talk with Adam and they would have had a chance to ask God some questions in the evening.
Would the serpent come back the next day to trick Eve into eating the fruit? He probably would. Would Eve eventually eat the fruit from the tree of Knweledge of Good and Evil. She might.
The story is well written to show that Eve had enough chances to listen to the animals, talk with Adam, and ask God questions. But she also gave enough attention to Serpent and entertained the doubt he put in her mind about God’s “unreasonable” rules. She wished God was there when Serpent talked to her, but God was not there like controlling parents. He gave her the rules and wanted her to use her judgement in the everyday life.
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Yes, but was he not there? In reality, God is omnipresent. So just because Eve couldn’t hear or feel his presence, he was there hearing and seeing the whole episode, probably applauding along with the angels. Chips and his father have a pretty limited view of God. He shares that with Eve, and she probably believes that God is not there.
The other thing that crossed my mind, is that it takes a while to get to know someone, especially God. Eve had a lot to learn being born as an adult. She jumped into a lot of responsibility without any training except her nightly talks with God and talking with Adam throughout the day. They were busy meeting all the animals and naming them.
Thanks for spending time with Eve and me. 🙂
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A lot of good thoughts, Marsha. ☺️
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Thanks Miriam. I enjoyed writing it. 🙂 xxx
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I’ll put it out there at the start that I’m not a religious person but I believe the fables we make up in the name of religion do serve the purpose of developing and maintaining moral codes and guides to behaviour. It’s an interesting plot line you’ve developed but imagining Eve resisting temptation goes counter to the original fable, which was invented as a moral lesson. It has also imprinted the idea of women being the morally weaker sex for centuries. Perhaps you could switch the story line to Adam being the one that was actually the culprit and Eve has been covering for him ever since? 😉
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I had just watched the movie Wicked and at the same time read Genesis in the Bible when I wrote this story. My mind went down several rabbit holes as I wrote mostly around what would happen after she had children, and the population exploded. I don’t think the intention was that either one of the would be the first to succumb to temptation, but maybe that Satan AKA Serpy, would be the only one to suffer retribution at this point. Eventually, either Adam, Eve, or any one of their children could make a mistake or be tempted by Serpy, and how would that look with two types of people in the world? One without original sin, and one with. The only way for original sin to take place would be for the first humans to sin, but what if they hadn’t? First they’d still be alive today. They might not be still living here because, of course, God could put them anywhere in the universe, but they wouldn’t create children who were born with original sin. So what about the people following that? Just a thought.
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I loved your take on the story Marsha… God gives us all free will to choose…. The choice is up to each of us to choose between good and bad… And we have all made bad choices in life now and again…
Do we learn from them, that is the question…. or do we keep on repeating them…
There are always those who are there to temp us, then turn the blame back…. We all instinctively know right from wrong…. Yet many are tempted by greed….
When we listen, really listen to our hearts, we are listening to God, that internal knowing…. Yet so many are tempted via greed to ignore their integrity…..
Thank you Marsha for that different take on the temptation of Eve…
Much love your way my friend xx ❤
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Thanks, Sue. We had just seen the movie Wicked, and I was impressed with the character Elba and her relationship with the animals. The Wizard is not a good model for God, though. I think the notion of what seemed bad was not and what seemed good was not or at least not entirely is a pretty accurate rendition of life.
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I have not come across that Movie… I hadn’t even heard about it until last week, when a neighbour next door said she was going to London to the Musical Wicked… Which had been a Christmas treat…. 🙂
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I saw the play years ago in Los Angeles, and I thought the movie might be redundant, but it wasn’t. It made you think.
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Something for me to watch out for, the movie, thank you.
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Hope you enjoy it.
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Interesting take on the fable, Marsha. It’s a fun thought experiment to reimagine how things could have happened differently…. if only. I love how each of the animals had a name.
My only suggestion is to use descriptions that fit a snake. For instance, a snake might slither, but not “stroll,” wouldn’t “sit down” or “walk around.” They might “point” with their tail, but they don’t have shoulders to “shrug.” You might have fun changing your descriptions to reflect what a snake might do or how he would express himself.
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Actually, in Genesis the snake didn’t have to slither until after God’s curse on him. That was his punishment for leading the humans astray given at the same time Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden. Since they didn’t take him up on his temptation, he hasn’t received any curse yet. But that is interesting, maybe in the walk with God that night, Serpy would be punished. We don’t know that yet. The character of Eve reminded me somewhat of Elba in Wicked – her love of animals and the fact that the animals still talked.
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Interesting. I’m just not very familiar with this fable. If the snake didn’t slither, how did it get around?
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I am not sure, actually. Maybe on two feet, maybe one, maybe he had wings. I don’t think the Bible says, Genesis 13:14 says, “So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, “Cursed are you above all livestock and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.” So we don’t really know how serpents got around before that, or maybe the serpent was taken over by Satan, but through that serpent, all serpents were cursed. I don’t know, and haven’t studied it in depth. 🙂 xxx
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I think it’s great to take a well-known story and to re-imagine it. This is so interesting and I really love the way you’ve built the story, weaving in the poems with the prose. Very nicely done, Marsha.
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I’m thinking… she seems pretty certain. What changed for her to change her mind?
Or
If she didn’t change her mind, how did the world turn out instead?
One of those alternative worlds stories? It reminds me of a writing group prompt we had once, to write a character at a crossroads; which choice do they make and how does it turn out?
Definitely a thought-provoker, Marsha.
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I thought alternative world. What started it off was thinking how long they lived there, and why was she such a pushover? Why would she be so tempted when she had it made? Then my mind went down a rabbit hole to a world with no bad in it. Yet if each person has a choice Sept is going to be pretty busy having to convince each individual when the original folks made the right choice. The dynamics got too much for my finite brain.
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Best of luck 🤞
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Best wishes on finishing your new host, Marsha! 😍
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Thanks, Miriam. I try to write a few short stories in case of a last minute change. They are a challenge usually, but this one kind of wrote itself. Hope you enjoyed it. I’m interested in getting feedback.
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I’ll read it tonight. Today is my volunteer day at my granddaughter’s school.
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You are such good grandma.
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