I am on my fifth draft of the picture book I wrote about Manny last week.  Can I Sleep Over at Justin’s Tonight?  499 words  This week we had to write merchandising blurbs. I thought I’d share them with you.

Back Cover Blurb (60 words)

 Manny wants to sleep over at Justin’s house.  First he has to clean his room.  Blocks and cars tumbled across the floor.  He bounced on his clean clothes folded on his bed.  He found peanuts and candy under the bed.  He ate peanuts and threw shells out the window. Would he get his room clean and sleepover at Justin’s?

Comment from my instructress.

“This is on the right track, but the room-cleaning dominates over his emotional need.”

Marketing Blurb (151 words)

In Can I Sleepover at Justin’s Tonight?  Manny learns cleanliness and perseverance.  This humorous, fiction cautionary tale stars naughty six-year-old, Manny and his best friend, Justin.  Justin invites him to sleep over, but Manny knows the answer before he asks.   He lies twice to Justin about why he can’t come.  He wants to go to Justin’s house, but the job of cleaning his room overwhelms him, and he’d rather play around.  Justin sees through his lies.  Manny eventually tells Justin that he can’t go anywhere until he cleans his room.  Knowing how dirty his friend’s room is, Justin comes over to help.  The boys solve toy storage problems.  They learn the secret to shutting the dresser drawer.  Most of all they have fun while they make the room sparkle.  Mom is pleased that Manny earns the right to spend the night over at Justin’s and offers them homemade cookies.

How do these blurbs work in making you want to buy the book?

Here is my teacher’s blurb.

“Manny can’t go anywhere until he cleans his room so Justin comes over to help.  The boys pack away the toys, learn the secret to shutting the dresser drawer, but most of all they have fun while they make the room sparkle.  Mom is pleased that Manny earns the right to spend the night over at Justin’s.”  57 words