I’ve been working on this story for years. Since I started the Australian Writer’s Centre class on picture books, I’ve rewritten it 5 times and gone from 1700 words to 686. This is my 5th draft. See what you think.
Three guinea pigs, Piggles, Tedlet and Buster, loved their human, Sandi. Every day she fed them carrot curls and lettuce on a paper plate in the back lawn. They chortled and squeaked gleefully when they heard her walk outside.
One day when she brought treats, a puppy, named Bud, lumbered out of the house. After Sandi went inside, Bud raced around the corner of the house, ate their treats and went in the house. The guineas ate grass near the bushes.
They hid under the bushes and squealed their high-pitched guinea pig squeal. The grass around the bushes was getting brown. Sandi heard them and came out to check. Their food had disappeared.
“You’re hungry, poor babies. I’ll bring you more food.”
Sandi set a fresh plate of lettuce and carrot curls near the bushes. Buster, Piggles and Tedlet began pulling the plate into the bushes. Bud sneaked around the corner and grabbed the plate.
Three guinea pigs tugged against Bud. The plate ripped. Lettuce flew one way and the carrot curls flew another. Bud ate the carrot curls. Piggles ate one lettuce leaf. Tedlet ate one lettuce leaf. Buster ate three lettuce leaves. Bud ate the rest of the lettuce after he finished the carrot curls, and went in the house.
The guineas ate the grass a little farther from the bushes. They hid under the bushes and squealed their high-pitched guinea pig squeal. Sandi heard them and came out to check. The food had disappeared. The grass farther from the bushes looked like Sandi had mowed it extra short.
“You’re hungry, poor babies. I’ll bring you more food.”
Sandi set a fresh plate of lettuce and carrot curls near the bushes. Bud appeared around the corner.
“Brrrr,” rumbled Piggles.
“Drrrrr,” rumbled Tedlet.
“CH CH CH CH,” chattered Buster rubbing his teeth together side to side.
Bud ignored them and ate their treats. He rolled over and over in the grass, and fell asleep.
The guineas waddled over Bud. They nibbled grass by his feet. Bud didn’t wake. They nibbled grass by his stomach. Bud didn’t wake. They nibbled grass by his nose. Bud snorted, and rolled over. The guineas hurried back to their bushes and hid. Bud slept a long time, and awoke hot. He wanted some water.
He tried to find his bowl. It wasn’t on the porch, or the grass, or under the lawn chair.
Bud was thirsty after his nap.
“Rarrf,” said Bud at the door.
Sandi opened the door.
Your tongue is hanging out, Bud. Where’s your water bowl?”
“Rarrf,” said Bud.
“Let’s look.”
Sandi looked on the patio. The bowl was gone.
She looked in the grass. She found an outline of Bud.
“This is odd. How did this outline of you get on the grass, Bud?”
“Grrrr,” said Bud. He walked over to the bushes.
Sandi walked to the bushes, too. Bud stuck his nose under the bushes.
“Brrrr,” rumbled Piggles.
“Drrrrr,” rumbled Tedlet.
“CH CH CH CH,” chattered Buster rubbing his teeth together side to side, and bit Bud on the nose.
“Raaaaaaaaarf! Raaaaaaaarf!” cried Bud.
Sandi laughed, gathering Bud’s upside down bowl from under the bushes.
“Buster, did you take Bud’s bowl? Piggles, did you guineas eat the grass around Bud?
“Brrrr,” rumbled Piggles.
“Drrrrr,” rumbled Tedlet.
“CH CH CH CH,” chattered Buster rubbing his teeth together side to side.
“I think I see the problem,” said Sandi.
Sandi fixed more lettuce and carrot curls and put them in Bud’s water bowl. She set the bowl in the grass near the bushes. Bud came out to eat the lettuce, but Sandi sat down on the big lawn chair.
“No Bud.”
Bud whined.
Sandi turned Bud’s bowl upside down. Lettuce and carrots dropped on the paper plate. She filled Bud’s bowl with fresh water.
Bud drank the water, and then licked Sandi’s hand. The guineas purred as they ate their treats.
“Apologize to the guineas, Bud.”
Bud licked each guinea pig on the head, and lay down beside them to watch them eat. The three guineas kept eating. They didn’t hide in the bushes.
Marsha Ingrao - Always Write 
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