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Drug Blouse

 

It just looks like a cute, fun little blouse.  You can’t see it very well because my picture is so dark.  I got a compliment on it today, so I had to tell its story.

The truth is that I splurged.  It was VERY expensive – to me.  I’m kind of a cheapie when it comes to buying clothes.  $35 for a nice suit, $5 for a cute blouse.  You know CHEAP!  So I paid more for this one for several reasons.

  1. It had trapunto stitching, which is very hard to do.
  2. It was cute.
  3. I was on vacation, and wasn’t thinking rationally.
  4. It was cute.
  5. It had a ruffle on one sleeve, and not the other.
  6. It was cute.

So the next summer I went on vacation, of course I packed it.  I was traveling alone wearing my cute blouse, but frankly I don’t think I looked suspicious.  I wasn’t cuter than anyone else in the line of weary travelers.  BUT…

When I stepped into the Naked Picture Booth, something went wrong.  The person (I choose to think lady) watching all the Naked People file through the booth, called a halt on me.  A grumpy looking TSA lady with rubber gloves asked me to step to the side so people could pass around me.  Unsuspecting I did as she asked.

She asked me if I wanted to go somewhere private where she could do an examination.  I still didn’t think too much about it, so I said no.  In the past they have patted down my bag, and found history books.  Once they found a tube of toothpaste that was 90% used up that I had to throw away.  I think they patted me once with a wand.  Nothing serious.

I should have been suspicious.  The lady reached inside my cute blouse with her thick blue rubber glove and felt INSIDE my bra.  I warned her than there wasn’t much there, and she didn’t crack a smile.

“Do I look suspicious?” I asked trying to make light of a very bizarre situation.  People looked at me suspiciously, so I guess I had the LOOK.

“We have to be suspicious of EVERYBODY,” she told me grimly.

Then the phone rang.  It was the Naked Picture Watcher.

Grumpy came back, and stuck her hand down my blouse and checked INSIDE my bra for the second time.  Where do you look when a grumpy lady is sticking her hand down your blouse?  I looked right into her eyes.  I looked around at the people watching me.  I tried to find the Naked Picture Watcher, but she was hidden in the booth where I should have gone, I guess.

The phone rang.  It was the Naked Picture Watcher again.

Grumpy answered her, “NO!  THERE’S NOTHING IN THERE.  IT’S JUST HER STITCHING!  I CHECKED TWICE.

So I thanked her for the massage, and off I went on my vacation, sure I wasn’t going to win the next Sexy Grandma Wonder of the World Contest.

 

10 replies »

  1. VERY ingenius, but also quite horrifying to me as I read further. At first I read, “Drug Blouse? Eh what?! What is this all about?” Then you placidly go on about a blouse, and I’m thinking, “Ah that’s lovely, so cute” and then the horror unfolds. You really did not prepare me. You poor lassie!! But I just LOVE your attitude in life. So uplifting, a truly positive person. Very excellent read. Mr. King and P.G. Wodehouse (our old Plum) would both deeply admire this work, I imagine. Well done!

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  2. Wow! We use to fly back and forth across the US, but not any more. Instead we drive our motor home all around the US. What happen to you is why I don’t ever want to ever fly again. Remember the guy that was going through the airport, he told TSA guy if you touch my junk I’ll sue you.

    Like

    • Now I get your name!!! Yeah, it was pretty weird! We are thinking about a 5th wheel. I’ve had a couple of motor homes, nothing fancy, but I miss having a car. I guess I could drive a MH, and rent a car.
      We’ll see what happens. Thanks for reading my blog.

      Like

      • We tow are car behind our motor home. W’ve been on road 9 to 10 months a year until 2003 then we went full time. I think we may have sat still one or two years out of that. Loved still but it’s gettting to time to settle down.

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        • Wow! I bet you have some major stories. I haven’t had time to read through you site thoroughly, but I’m RETIRED now!!!! I’m looking forward to hearing your travel tales!

          Like

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Marsha

Marsha

Hi, I'm Marsha Ingrao, a retired educator and wife of a retired realtor. My all-consuming hobby is blogging and it has changed my life. My friends live all over the world. In November 2020, we sold everything and retired to the mile-high desert of Prescott, AZ. We live less than five miles from the Granite Dells, four lakes, and hundreds of trails with our dog, Kalev, and two cats, Moji and Nutter Butter. Vince's sister came with us and lives close by. Every day is a new adventure.

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